The Devil’s In The Details

As much as I hate computers, I’ve developed a need to own one myself, unfortunately. I once thought I couldn’t live without my IBM Selectric typewriter, but nowadays, I question how I managed without Word, copy & paste, the delete button, and the general ease & convenience of not having to use Liquid Paper or correction tape.

I have no knowledge of software programs or, heaven forbid, how to fix a computer………I’m completely in the dark about the inner workings of the blasted thing, so I rely on others to do that for me.  Mainly, I’ve relied on my 26 year old computer-wizard son to be my repairman.

He’s always been obsessed with computers, and I bought him his first desktop model when he was 7 years old. While his little friends were playing with Transformers & Lego’s, my son was tinkering around with a Phillips head screwdriver, jabbing the insides of a motherboard.

Over the years, he’s become quite the expert with electronics in general, and he’s wired my house to look like what I imagine the NASA control center to look like.

Sigh.

When the cable company came out to install some new wiring, the poor serviceman, who’d been in the business for 25 years, had NO idea WHAT he was looking at in my furnace room.  The furnace room is the epicenter of the wiring nightmare that my dear son has created to ‘help’ me get plugged in to the 21st century.

Have I mentioned how old-fashioned and based in the 20th century I really AM?

So, a few months ago, I finally broke down & agreed to buy myself a new desktop; it was TIME.  The outdated model I had been using  just wasn’t cutting the mustard anymore.  Naturally, my son Jon commandeered the entire purchase, insisting I buy a Lenovo  PC instead of some standard model that I would actually be ABLE to operate. Why do things simply & conveniently when you have a 26 year old expert to guide you to financial AND mental ruination?

When the new Lenovo arrived, Jon came by to install it & explain how it worked to his less-than-savvy mother. That would be me.  The model I purchased, as it turns out, is more like a laptop with a stand- alone monitor, in that the keyboard & mouse are wireless & tiny………nothing at all like the standard keyboard I’m used to typing on.  So Jon disconnected both the keyboard & mouse & set me up with my old stand-by’s.  Phew……….another catastrophe averted, yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Right after he installed my new computer, my son moved away to another state. Holy Mother of God, now we’d have to fix our OWN computers!  And, we’d have to figure it all out ALONE, and dig through a maze of wires that no human being was qualified to DO!  How much would I be shelling out the Geek Squad, I wondered?

About 6 weeks later, the keyboard started acting odd……..in the middle of typing a blog, suddenly, the letters EM kept appearing, out of nowhere, and screwing up my attempts to create English sentences.  This wasn’t happening constantly, but frequently enough to irritate me & cramp my 100 word-per-minute typing skills.

My husband Chuck looked things over & saw nothing glaringly amiss. He tried restoring Windows back to when we’d gotten the computer, hoping that would fix the problem.  It didn’t.  EMs were still popping up randomly in most of my sentences.

Must be the keyboard itself, we determined, and set off for Micro-Center to buy a new one.  Ever been INSIDE of a Micro-Center? UGHHHHHHHH, what a confusing mess it is in there.  Finally, I decided on a $5 model because hey, they are pretty much ALL the same so why spend a fortune when you don’t really HAVE to?

The new keyboard worked a charm & the EM keys, which were obviously stuck, no longer interfered with my work.

Until last week, when the WS keys ran amok.

WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS   

What? Here I am with a brand NEW keyboard, and now 2 MORE keys are stuck??  And boy oh boy, were these keys ever stuck………..WS was running RIOT constantly, preventing me from getting ANYTHING accomplished.  Dear Chuck said, “See, I TOLD YOU SO, buying a PIECE OF JUNK $5 keyboard is NEVER a good idea.”

Smugness is never an attractive feature in a mate, is it?

I told him, “No way it’s the keyboard………..junk or not junk, I don’t believe TWO keyboards are defective……something ELSE is at work here.  Gremlins, perhaps? Or maybe it’s THE DEVIL himself!”

So, with Chuck insisting it WAS the keyboard, and with me insisting it was NOT the keyboard, I trudged back out to the store & purchased yet ANOTHER keyboard.  This one is a $12 model because hey, maybe it WAS the $5 hunk-o-junk after all, who knows?

I unplugged the junko & plugged in the higher priced keyboard and held my breath as I looked at the screen…………and………………

WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS WSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWSWS   

was staring back at me! And that damn cursor was moving at super high speed, right down the screen, spewing out WS’s faster than the speed of sound.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

“I TOLD YOU SO,” I screamed at Chuck, “I freaking TOLD YOU it was NOT the keyboard!!”

He looked rather sheepish because he had NO other choice but to agree with me.

*Apparently, smugness is WAY more attractive in a wife than it is in a husband………..*

I called Lenovo  technical support & spent the next hour & 45 minutes discussing with the rep everything that WASN’T the problem.  He finally gave up, admitted defeat, saying he had NO IDEA why on EARTH my computer was  shouting WS.  “Send the entire system back to us,” he suggested, since it was still under warranty. By the grace of God, we still had the original box in the garage as well. See? Sometimes hoarding isn't such a bad thing after all!

Chuck was ordered to find the original keyboard & mouse at that point.  He looked everywhere and finally found it……………..under his stack of books on CD……………

Which were pressing down on two keys of that keyboard…………

The W & the S ………………….

When my dear sainted husband restored Windows back to the July date of its arrival in our home, it obviously restored the  original KEYBOARD back to the ON position once again.

I downloaded divorce papers from Documents.com but I haven’t filled them out.

Yet.