Even though I married my husband because he’s an Italian Stallion, he’s more in touch with his Scottish roots these days than his Italian ones.
Personally, I think he’s identifying so strongly with his Scottish heritage because he likes to play dress up & wear skirts.
The Scottish may call them Kilts, but I call them skirts.
I must say, however, that at 53 years old, he strikes a handsome pose when he’s all decked out in his tartans, complete with a felt beret topped with a bright red pom-pom & checkered ribbon cocked off to one side. That ribbon kind of reminds me of his crooked, cocky little smile…..
In a cruel twist of fate, he’s somehow managed to rope a couple of his kids into the Scottish fanfare as well, namely, his 24 year old son who recently married his childhood sweetheart in a beautiful outdoor ceremony in Licking, Missouri. Father & son both dressed up in full Scottish garb, despite temperatures of 100 degrees with 95% humidity, and neither of them cared a bit that 100% wool, plaid tartans & overcoats would probably cause them heat-stroke in the stifling weather conditions. When they posed together for photos, the wedding guests hadn’t a clue they were both wearing ice-vests underneath all that high-fashion kilt-wear….the strange protrusions just looked like a beer-bellies. And they say women fuss? Oh, by the way, in full Scottish tradition, nothing is worn underneath the skirts so it’s kind of like built in air-conditioning! J
At home here in Colorado, my husband pitches a huge tent at the local Scottish festivals which take place a half-dozen times a year, in the area parks & fairgrounds. His new passion in life is finding ‘treasures’ for his tent, which we shop for at garage sales every Saturday in season. The vast majority of our 2-car garage is devoted to these ‘treasures’, as well as most of a kitchen cupboard.
The man does not drink alcohol & neither do I. Yet, he is obsessed with collecting different types of Scotch & glassware to offer a little nip to the visitors who come by his tent. The everyday drinking glasses in my kitchen cabinet have now been crowded out by shot glasses. Even though Scotch is not served in shot-glasses, my dear husband collects them anyway.
Does it matter that I can barely squeeze my car into the overcrowded, overstuffed-with-Scottish-tent paraphernalia, 2-car garage? Soon he’s going to need a U-Haul-It trailer just to transport the enormous load of ‘treasure’ to these festivals.
Hey, maybe he can find that U-Haul-It trailer at a garage sale! Sooner or later, if it exists or has been invented, you can & will find it at a garage sale. It’s the law.
He’s managed to find everything else at the GS Boutique, that’s for sure. And what he doesn’t find at the GS Boutique he finds at the GW Boutique. That’s Goodwill for those who aren’t ‘in the know.’
Currently, my darling husband owns approximately 16 fancy, cut-crystal wine decanters which house the various types of Scotch he purchases. How does a person transport 16 delicate, cut-crystal wine decanters to a festival one may wonder?
In hard-plastic Pelican cases, of course, how else? So we also shop for special boxes to house the lovely crystal wine decanters that are a real necessity for the Clan-Douglas tent. The 2-thousand shot glasses also require their own special, custom-made homes lest they crack or shatter en route to the festivities. The most recent $5, custom-home purchase is a Rubbermaid Christmas ornament box, complete with cardboard separators to keep the contents safe from breakage. Of course, since the compartments are intended for large Christmas ornaments, they are way too large to house shot-glasses. The good news is that dear hubby is planning to rig something up…….eventually.
The best laid plans of Mice & Men………
The Christmas ornament carrier is resting comfortably in the overstuffed garage along with the broken sewing box that needs repair, the vacuum that ‘just’ needs a new electrical wire, the brass lamp that ‘only’ needs a new switch, the various drapery rods that need ‘adjustment’ before they can house the various Scottish flags for display in the tent, the particle-board lumber that is to become something ‘useful’…for the tent, naturally, with the help of some of the 1,592 tools he’s collected over the years from the GS & GW Boutiques.
Sigh.
What good are all those tools if they aren’t used to fix broken things around the house?
If I didn’t love the man so much, I’d load up a U-Haul-It & drive all those ‘treasures’ to the local dump myself!
Did I tell you about his extensive collection of brooches which he displays, in the tent, on a large swatch of red & green tartan? They are all women’s brooches, but he will insist they are uni-sex…appropriate for men or women, even though I cannot recall ever seeing a man sporting a gaudy, marcasite pin with a large faux-pearl in the center….except maybe once, at a costume shop on Broadway, where a guy & his ‘significant other’ were shopping for women’s evening dresses, sincerely hoping they’d find some to-die-for, matching shoes in a 13 extra-wide….
“Sell those pins at the festivals,” I tell him. “Good idea,” he tells me, flashing me his crooked little smile, and we both know full well he has NO intention whatsoever of parting with his loot. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, or so they say, it’s just too bad he buys all the other man’s trash!
I think there’s a new TV show on these days called Hoarders, isn’t there?
We have an ongoing argument over who’s pins are who’s…..mine are stored in a special drawer in the bedroom, but every time I go looking for one, it seems to ‘mysteriously’ have gone missing.
Currently, 6 coolers, in varying sizes, reside in the garage along with the rest of the tent crapola. I still have no idea why he needs that many coolers. Yes, he’s a big man; yes, he is a thirsty man, and yes, he is a very hungry man as well. But how many water bottles, sandwiches, & bags of ice are necessary for one human being, I wonder?
I may suggest he use a few of those coolers to house his glass collection! That would kill two birds with one stone, come to think of it. And it would free up some extra cash that would be otherwise spent on unnecessary housing units for glassware and free it up for the incredibly necessary items I enjoy purchasing at the GS Boutique………..
Jewelry, clothing, shoes, purses & lots of cute & adorable little accessories!
See…..I have an intimate understanding of what’s important in life, and, even better, I have 95% of the huge walk-in closet in our bedroom! He may be crowding me out of the garage, but I am crowding him out of the closet! But, I have given him 24 inches worth of closet-space for his various garment bags filled with Scottish clothing, which I think is very fair & even generous.
Hmmm…..now, who was it that said women can’t wear the pants in the house?
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